9.1 Faith, Trials, and Triumph: How Caregiving Can Deepen your Love and Compassion.

FAITH

Love and Compassion: The act of providing care can enhance the feelings of love and compassion in a caregiver. In this blog I want to explore love and compassion and how this transpired though our faith in our trials and how it enhanced our relationship.

One of my happiest memories was in August 2007. We married in Church and made our promises to God and each other. Although this was a full Christian marriage ceremony, in Terms of faith, we were a long way from where we are now in our understanding of faith and how being a practicing Christian can lead to a transformative life.

When Catherine became ill, I prayed every day, and each evening when Catherine was sleeping, I would place my hand on her and pray till I myself fell asleep. I would ask God if we could somehow swap places and let me take the tole. It’s funny I recently realised the Kate Bush song Running up That Hill sums this up perfectly.  ‘If I only could, I’d make a deal with God, I’d get him to swap out places.

But I guess God’s plans were not for this to happen. My role in God’s plan was to care for Catherine, in sickness and In Health as I had promised back in 2007.

The is something that I do need to mention and it is the ‘elephant in the room’.

In this troubled time it is this where I should shout out angrily at God and ask:

‘why you are letting this happen! If you are a God of love, then why must we suffer all this pain. Please, I’m begging you for help and there’s no let-up in this pain and anguish.’ 

Now I could turn away and consider faith a whole load of nonsense and that life is just plain and simple hard and painful, full stop!

This question runs deep and touches on one of life's most profound mysteries: why good people suffer? This question has been asked in various ways throughout the ages, across cultures and religions.

An important thing to acknowledge is that faith in God involves acceptance of God's wisdom, even in the face of suffering. God has a plan for everyone and everything, even if it is hard to understand or accept. Being strong and leaning into your faith in troubled times can provide you with resilience, hope, and strength during challenging times. It is okay and normal to question your belief when faced with great suffering, but, ultimately, it's a personal journey between you and your faith in God.

In addition, while the nature of God is often considered beyond human comprehension, many Christian theologians have argued that suffering can lead to growth and transformation, or that it is the result of human free will and the existence of evil in the world.

Remember that prayer and the support of your faith community can be beneficial, not only in providing emotional and spiritual sustenance but also in lighting a path forward when things seem darkest. Also, faith does not exclude seeking help from medical treatments and other forms of support.

Please ensure you and your wife seek adequate medical care and counselling to help you through this challenging period. It can be greatly beneficial to reach out to members of your faith community and mental health professionals.

Understanding and emotional comfort can be found through many channels.

During the challenging period caring for my wife, there were times when fear, exhaustion, and sadness overwhelmed me to the point where escape seemed like the only option. Maybe the enemy himself tried to encourage me to prioritise my selfish ambitions above all else. Trying get me to run away or hide from the problems with work, drink, drugs, sex and any other devious temptations put before me.

Facing these temptations, I refused to give in. I defiantly shouted "NO" to the relentless easy escapes imposed by my adversaries, and instead, I embarked on the arduous but good path. I chose to place my unwavering faith in God's plans and leaned into it even more. I surrender to God.

******

C.S. Lewis, the renowned Christian thinker and author, wrote deeply on the themes of suffering and loss, especially triggered by the illness and subsequent death of his wife, Joy Davidman, due to cancer. In his book "A Grief Observed", he deeply explored his thoughts and feelings during her sickness and after her death.

Lewis shared profound insights on suffering. He noted, “Pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our consciences, but shouts in our pains. It is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”

He also pointed out the transformative power of suffering: "Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny".

Additionally, in "A Grief Observed", he penned down his heart-wrenching struggle with his wife's loss. He wrote, “The death of a loved one is like an amputation; time may heal the anguish, but the loss cannot be repaired."

It is essential to remember that he was also a man of faith. Despite his pain, he never lost sight of his belief in God. "You never know how much you really believe anything until its truth or falsehood becomes a matter of life and death to you," he said.

Overall, Lewis's thoughts on suffering and illness blend darkness and light, showing raw human emotions alongside a profoundly deep spiritual perspective. These insights have continued to offer solace and understanding to many readers grappling with pain and loss.

******

So, what does care, and compassion look like as a Christian?

As a faithful Christian looking after someone with breast cancer, care and compassion can be expressed in many ways, including both practical and spiritual support:

Prayer

Prayer is one of the most powerful tools in the Christian faith. Pray for their healing, comfort, strength, and peace. Pray with them if they feel comfortable and also share prayer requests in your church community or prayer groups.

Emotional support

Be there for that person. Actively listen to their feelings without rushing to provide solutions. Allow them to express fear, anger, sadness, or any other emotions they might be experiencing.

Practical help

Offer to assist in ways that can help relieve their burden. This might involve cooking meals, doing household chores, providing transportation to medical appointments, or even helping to care for children or pets.

Encouragement

Encourage them with texts, cards, or small gifts. Find out what their love language is. Share uplifting bible verses to instil hope and faith. Encourage them to share their feelings and listen without judgment.

Accompaniment

Accompany them to their treatments and doctor visits if they are comfortable with it. This can be a great source of support.

Showing Love

Show love in tangible ways. It may be with a warm hug, a gentle touch, or simply being present. Action can communicate love when words are not enough.

Respect

Acknowledge their choices and decisions regarding their journey and treatment. It is crucial to respect their individual journey.

In essence, being a Christian means showing the love of Jesus Christ to others, so showing love, compassion, and understanding are cornerstones of your role when caring for someone with breast cancer. Keep in mind that your support should also extend to their loved ones and encourage others in your church community to do the same.

Now these three things remain: Faith, Hope and Love and love. The greatest of these is Love. 1: Cor 13

Let Us Pray

Prayer for the Care and Compassion of Carers: Finding Strength in 1 Corinthians 13

Father God,

We come before you today with heavy hearts, seeking your divine guidance and solace for those caring for their loved ones battling the challenges of breast cancer. May your compassionate presence fill their weary souls and uplift their spirits, granting them the strength they need to walk alongside their dear ones on this arduous journey.

God, we know that caring for a loved one fighting breast cancer can be both physically and emotionally exhausting. The weight of uncertainty, fear, and the ever-increasing demands can easily overwhelm the strongest of hearts. But we hold fast to your promises, knowing that you are the ultimate caregiver, providing comfort, compassion, and unwavering love in times of distress.

We call out your precious words from 1 Corinthians 13, where the Apostle Paul speaks of love in its purest form. May this scripture serve as a beacon of hope and encouragement to all those who are offering their care and support:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

God we ask that you grant carers the gift of patience amidst the slow progress, strength to tend to their loved one's needs relentlessly, and perseverance when challenges seem insurmountable. Fill their hearts with kindness that flows abundantly, enabling them to navigate each day with genuine tenderness and compassion.

In moments when exhaustion prevails, help them to cast aside envy, competition, and self-doubt, allowing them to embrace their unique role with humility and grace. Let them not be disheartened by limitations or setbacks but instead inspire them to push forward tirelessly, trusting in your infinite power and unfailing love.

God, we ask that you to protect the sanctity of their spirit. Shield them from feelings of guilt, doubt, and anger; instead, wrap them in your soothing embrace, giving them the resilience to overcome any negative emotions. Teach them to forgive themselves for their imperfections, understanding that the enormity of their love far outweighs any shortcomings they may perceive.

We pray that you instil in every carer the courage to speak the truth, offering unwavering support and understanding. May they foster an environment of openness and honesty, where their loved ones feel safe to share their raw emotions and vulnerabilities. Grant them the wisdom to discern the right words and actions, understanding that true healing often begins with sincere acknowledgement and acceptance.

Finally, dear Lord, let hope be their eternal companion. As they invest their love and care, remind them that hope is what fuels perseverance. May their hearts be filled with absolute faith in your providence, believing that you will guide them and their loved ones through this challenging chapter. Grant them the serenity to embrace the unknown, secure in the knowledge that you hold the ultimate plan for their lives.

In your infinite wisdom and boundless compassion, we lay our requests at your feet, trusting that you will provide the strength, comfort, and encouragement needed for all those caring for loved ones with breast cancer. May your divine presence uplift their spirits and grant them the resilience to exemplify the qualities of love described in 1 Corinthians 13.

In your holy name, we pray. Amen.