In this blog, I am delving into the topic of relationships and to shed light on the profound impact breast cancer treatment can have on the patient-partner dynamic. Drawing from my personal experiences as a husband, I will share how my own relationship was both affected and enriched in various ways. I want to acknowledge that while my perspective may not encompass all diverse relationship structures, I believe there is something valuable to be gained from this discussion. It is important to note that I am not a qualified relationship counsellor, and what I am about to explore should not be seen as a substitute for seeking professional guidance. However, I hope that by sharing my journey, I can inspire and encourage others facing similar challenges in their own relationships.
Breast cancer treatment can significantly impact one's physical and emotional health, which in turn affects relationships with partners, including sex life. The nature and extent of this impact can vary greatly from one individual to another, often depending on the specifics of the treatment, the characteristics of the disease, and the resilience of the relationship itself. Below are some ways breast cancer treatment may affect these areas:
1. Emotional Impact: The diagnosis and treatment of breast cancer may lead to heightened emotional stress, anxiety, and depression. This can strain relationships as patients and their partners cope with these feelings.
2. Changes in Body Image: Breast cancer treatments like surgery (mastectomy/lumpectomy) can change the physical appearance, which might affect the patient's body image and self-esteem. This could potentially affect their comfort and confidence in sexual interactions.
3. Physical Impact: Treatments such as surgery, chemotherapy, radiation, and hormone therapies often cause physical side effects including fatigue, nausea, pain, menopausal symptoms, or loss of sexual desire. These can interfere with physical intimacy temporarily or sometimes long-term.
4. Changes in Sexual Functioning: Treatments may result in hormonal changes leading to vaginal dryness or discomfort during sex. Some women also experience an early onset of menopause, which can reduce sexual desire.
5. Communication Challenges: People often find it difficult to communicate about such sensitive subjects. This can lead to misunderstandings, arguments, or feelings of distance, all of which can affect the relationship and sexual intimacy.
6. Stress on the Partner: A partner may face their own emotional challenges witnessing their loved one's suffering. They may also feel rejected or confused if the patient experiences diminished sexual desire.
7. Caregiving Role: In many cases, the partner assumes the role of a caregiver, which might put additional stress on the relationship dynamics, altering the way both individuals interact, including their sexual relationship.
It is important to note that not all changes are negative, some couples may find that they grow closer, and their relationship strengthens through the breast cancer experience.
Ways to manage these changes may include open communication about fears and desires, seeking help from therapists or support groups, exploring new techniques or routines for sexual intimacy, and knowing that it is okay to take time for self-care. It is crucial to discuss these concerns with healthcare providers who can provide resources or recommend specialists to address these issues.
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I could reflect upon our earlier days, the highs and lows we encountered as a young couple, traversing life's obstacles. However, in light of the battles we bravely fought amidst the trials of breast cancer, those past challenges pale in significance.
After the diagnosis, both of us were filled with anxiety and stress. As a husband, I found myself bearing the brunt of vented anger, leading to my own silly mistakes and errors of judgment which only fuelled more confrontations. But, instead of engaging in a battle, I quickly realised the importance of absorbing the verbal pummelling. I understood that Catherine needed an outlet for her emotions, and it is often those who keep their feelings hidden that become the targets. Although challenging, I had to suppress my instincts to retaliate and fight back, replacing it with a more loving approach. Even now, after all this time, I make a conscious effort to avoid conflicts as I have learned that it resolves nothing. It is by no means an easy task, and admittedly, there have been times when I have regrettably succumbed to arguing back.
Recovering from surgery can significantly impact one's body image and self-esteem, highlighting the importance of acknowledging these changes as caregivers. As partners, it is crucial for us to remember that we are here to support and love them through this journey. Being sensitive and accepting of their transformed body becomes paramount. Keep in mind that everyone may experience different emotions, so open and understanding communication is vital. Providing validation plays a key role, as it involves acknowledging their valid feelings and assuring them of their inherent beauty that goes beyond physical appearances.
Seeking guidance from a professional counsellor can be beneficial, and positive reinforcement plays a significant part too. I personally recall my loved one's struggle with dressing up for special occasions or feeling uncomfortable in beachwear. I made a point to remind her of how incredible and attractive she looked. Additionally, we frequently discussed reconstruction and prosthetic options. Ultimately, my utmost goal was to consistently reassure her that my feelings remained unchanged and that I still found her undeniably beautiful.
It is crucial for me to understand the effects that the treatment would have on Catherine, leaving her feeling sick, exhausted, and understandably lacking in desire for any intimacy. This understanding has truly helped me acknowledge the importance of setting aside my own selfish desires and focusing on Catherine's needs. Remember, our role is to serve your loved one, not the other way around.
Your support and commitment to their well-being makes all the difference.
Communication is incredibly crucial for the success of any relationship. When communication falters, misunderstandings can easily arise, adding unnecessary stress to the connection. On the bright side, acquiring effective communication skills can truly make a world of difference, making everything much smoother and more enjoyable.
I remember a time when my partner and I used to write heartfelt love letters for each other and leave them hidden in unexpected places for each other to find. It is amazing how such simple gestures can strengthen the bond between two people. Additionally, I recently came across a book called "Men are From Mars and Women are from Venus" by John Gray, which had a profound impact on our relationship. I wholeheartedly recommend it to all men out there as it revolutionised my own perspective. If your love for your partner is deep, I urge you to give it a read as well. It can truly work wonders!
Remember, as a carer, it is important to also prioritize your roles as a husband, partner, and lover within your relationship. Do not let the demands of your caring responsibilities overshadow these vital aspects of your life, turning you into a mere caretaker. Instead, strive to maintain a healthy balance by laughing, crying, and working together with your loved one through this journey. At the end of it all, you will be amazed by the boundless love that you both share - a love that goes far beyond what you could have ever envisioned. Embrace this incredible love and let it fuel your journey forward.
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Seeking help is a powerful step towards enhancing your relationship, so do not hesitate to reach out. An organization that can provide invaluable assistance is Relate, renowned for their exceptional service. Their team of highly skilled counsellors is adept at working with couples, serving as a guiding light during challenging times. You are not alone, and with their support, you can overcome any obstacles that come your way.
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Experiencing the challenges of breast cancer and its treatment is an undoubtedly difficult journey, and it is important to acknowledge that it can put strains on your relationship. Understanding and actively communicating about these stresses is a significant step in helping preserve the bond you share. Furthermore, during this phase, it may be necessary to temporarily set aside your own needs, becoming a supportive and loving partner who can play a crucial role in bolstering your loved one's self-esteem and fostering comfort amidst the changes to their body. Undeniably, this will not be an easy path, requiring bravery and your dedicated effort. As a wise individual once told me, marriages do not simply work on their own; they demand hard work and commitment. Above all else, there is an imperative need to love your partner unconditionally and embrace them wholeheartedly, accepting them just as they are. Remember, you have the power to navigate this experience together and emerge stronger.
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Thank you for taking the time to read this and I genuinely hope that I have been able to offer you some valuable insights into relationships strained by cancer treatment. My sincere wish is for you to overcome any challenges you may be facing and emerge even stronger, with a newfound sense of deeper love and connection.
As I move forward, I will delve into the ways in which faith has played a crucial role in our own relationship. By exploring this aspect, I hope to demonstrate how it has helped us discover a deeper love and passion for each other.
Please continue to read on, and you will discover the immense power faith holds in cultivating a profound and lasting bond.
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