I remember all too well the effects of the stress had on me. The stresses from the demands of caregiving, stress from balancing work and caregiving responsibilities, stress from financial and logistical challenges. Looking back its funny how this had a big impact upon me personally, I made some daft decisions and mistakes along the way. But luckily I had God on my side as a spiritual guide to point me in the right direction, show me my mistake and lead in the right direction.
So I bet your wondering what I did and how I came to realise and change to help ease the stress. I say ease, because the stress never goes away. You just become better adapted to both recognise it and deal with it. Caring for someone with breast cancer can be highly stressful and emotionally draining.
Were not alone in this either, scripture tells us this in the Book of Job. Job is a man renowned for his patients in the face of immense suffering through his various trials. But its not Job I wanted to talk about. Job's wife, acting as a caregiver, had to bear the emotional and psychological stress of watching her husband battle with a painful disease. Â
Job's wife is often viewed negatively due to her suggestion to Job to "curse God and die" (Job 2:9). However, could this possibly reflect a high level of stress and despair driven by the terrible circumstances she found herself in, having witnessed the loss of her children and the health deterioration of her husband. I can relate to this and the anger and frustration we feel at times of intense stress.
Job's story serves as a reminder of human resilience in the face of adversity, the mystery of suffering, and the therapeutic process of lamentation and acceptance. It also implicates the unseen struggle of caregivers who support their ailing loved ones, and their important, yet stressful, role.
As caregivers we will go through a range of emotions such as:
1: Emotional issues can greatly impact an individual, manifesting in feelings of sadness, depression, anxiety, fear, or even resentment. Moreover, when one experiences a lack of concentration or persistent worrying, it serves as an indicator of elevated stress levels. Reflecting upon a personal situation, I recall the profound sadness that engulfed me. Witnessing a loved one succumb to the dependency on medications, aware of the potential side effects of their treatment, left me feeling helpless and hopeless. Consequently, my ability to experience excitement, joy, or happiness in the ordinary routines of life became severely diminished. As someone who deeply cherished my career and took immense pride in my work, I found myself losing focus and enthusiasm for both my profession and other activities that had previously brought me satisfaction.
2. Physical signs: Physical signs such as headaches, fatigue, sleeping problems, weight fluctuations, and gastrointestinal issues can often be manifestations of stress. I vividly remember personally experiencing severe fatigue, feeling completely drained, and struggling to get a good night's sleep. Additionally, I had to deal with debilitating acid reflux, finding solace in medication to alleviate the discomfort. It was particularly frustrating as the reflux would often flare up at night, causing sleepless nights! However, it's important to remain hopeful and remember that there are solutions and techniques to manage and overcome these physical manifestations of stress.
3. Behavioral signs: There are certain behavioral signs that can indicate stress, such as changes in eating habits, withdrawing from social activities, losing interest in hobbies, becoming easily agitated, feeling overwhelmed, or experiencing uncontrolled crying. These signs might seem familiar to some of us, as I personally experienced some of them during a difficult period in my life.
For instance, I used to be an active guy, but when Catherine fell ill, I decided to give up my own hobbies and interests to prioritize taking care of her. However, this decision took a toll on me. I often felt overwhelmed and struggled to cope with even the simplest of tasks. My once reliable organizational skills were compromised, leading to missed meetings, double bookings, and even forgetting to show up for a planned holiday! It was a mess, and I'm sure some of you can relate to that.
Additionally, the social isolation I experienced during this time was a significant issue that deserves its own dedicated discussion, perhaps in another podcast. It was tough not having the usual support system around, and it certainly affected my mood and overall disposition. I was grumpy, and it felt like a departure from my true self.
So, it's important to recognize these behavioral signs of stress and understand that they can happen to anyone. By acknowledging them, we can better support ourselves and others going through similar situations. Let's remember, we're all in this together.
4. Mental health concerns: Prolonged stress can escalate into more severe mental health challenges, including depression or anxiety disorders. Personally, I feel incredibly grateful for the amazing support system I have in my life, which has helped me avoid experiencing any significant mental health issues. However, what truly alarms me is how delicate of a balance we all navigate. It feels as though we are constantly tip-toeing on a precarious edge, aware that one misstep could plunge us into a challenging cycle of depression and anxiety.
5. Heightened Irritability or Anger: Feeling easily frustrated or having a short temper can often be signs of elevated stress levels. Confessing this isn't easy for me, but there were times when I found myself becoming irritated with things around me, and unfortunately, these feelings sometimes resulted in angry outbursts directed towards others, including my own children. Reflecting upon these moments, it truly saddens me to acknowledge that I wasn't always the gentle and caring person I should have been. The thought of anger, whether it stems from me or others, now pains and frightens me. Dealing with this overwhelming stress was a challenge that I knew I had to confront and overcome.
6. Cognitive issues: Experience challenges with decision-making, memory, and maintaining focus and concentration. Oh, these issues were a hurdle for me! It wasn't just about making big decisions; even the small choices like figuring out what to eat or what to wear became overwhelming tasks. My memory would often fail me, and I would even question if there was something wrong with my brain. These cognitive struggles made it particularly hard at work, especially since my role demanded utmost focus and concentration. As a designer involved in building projects, any mistakes I made would only surface during the construction phase, adding further stress to my plate.
7. Emotionally drained: Feelings of emptiness or being emotionally drained, often accompanied by a loss of motivation, can be closely associated with stress. I can completely understand and empathize with those feelings of emptiness and lost motivation. It's truly disheartening because your partner relies on your emotional availability and motivation to uplift their spirits.
Post-traumatic stress symptoms can manifest in various ways, such as experiencing distressing flashbacks, recurring nightmares, or having intense reactions when confronted with reminders of the traumatic event. Personally, I do not believe I have been affected by these symptoms, but it is important to acknowledge that they are very real and should be considered if you have witnessed the severe side effects that certain treatments can have on your loved one..
9. Physical and emotional exhaustion: It can be quite challenging, both physically and emotionally, for caregivers to deal with the overwhelming demands of their role. They may experience a persistent feeling of being drained, lacking energy, and even questioning their ability to carry on as caregivers. Fortunately, we were able to handle this difficult aspect through the incredible support group that surrounded us. However, it's crucial to highlight that individuals who don't have access to such support are at a genuine risk of succumbing to these strains and hardships.
10. Impaired immune function: Repeated colds, flu, skin troubles, and various health concerns can arise when chronic stress takes a toll on the immune system. Against all odds, I managed to sail through the dangers of falling ill quite successfully, perhaps not solely due to luck or chance, but with the added blessing of divine protection! Although I'm not certain about the exact reason, I am grateful that I have been able to overcome illnesses and continue persevering through the challenges of being a caregiver."
It's important for caregivers to pay attention to these signs and seek professional and spiritual help if needed. Self-care, social support, and respite care are essential for maintaining the caregiver's health and well-being.
So how can we ask God for help in these situations?
As a caregiver, I drew some stregnth and encouragement from my faith during these stressful times. Here are some examples of what you might find helpful.
1. For emotional issues, scripture reminds us that God is our refuge. We can lean on biblical promises, like Psalm 34:18, which says, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit," to find solace during emotionally challenging periods.
2. Physical symptoms of stress can be alleviated by embodying the love and compassion Christ showed us. Caring for our bodies as Temples of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19) involves appropriate rest, nourishing nutrition, and regular exercise.
3. God's teachings can guide our behavior. Galatians 5:22-23 describes the fruit of the Spirit—love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Realigning our actions with these virtues may help mitigate behavioral issues arising from stress.
4. For mental health issues, prayer and meditation on God's word can provide a therapeutic effect. Drawing strength from passages like 2 Timothy 1:7, "For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control," can help combat anxiety and depression.
5. Increased irritability or anger can be relieved by remembering Ephesians 4:31-32, "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another..."
6. To address cognitive issues, we must "trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding" (Proverbs 3:5). Prayer for wisdom and discernment can provide clarity.
7. For feelings of being emotionally drained, promise-filled passages such as Matthew 11:28-30, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest," offer hope and comfort.
8. In experiencing post-traumatic stress symptoms, Psalm 147:3 reminds us that, "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." With God's help, healing and recovery are possible.
9. Physical and emotional exhaustion can be confronted with the promises of Isaiah 40:29, "He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak."
10. Remembering Psalm 91:4, "He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart," can bolster resilience, even when facing decreased immune function.
Always reach out to professionals when needed and consider the fellowship at church as a form of social support. Practicing self-care and seeking help are not signs of weakness, but rather recognising that, even as caregivers, we also need to be cared for.
And lets not forget Jesus! who Himself took on the ultimate caregiver role - healing the sick, feeding the hungry, and spiritually taking on the sins of the world, which would certainly have caused great emotional stress. Maybe we try our best, to ask and think, what would he do and what would he tell me to do in my trials?
Lets Pray!
Dear Jesus,
We approach Your throne of infinite wisdom and compassion, knowing that You listen to every word, cry, and sigh from our hearts. Today, we lift up to You the caregivers who tirelessly extend their hands and hearts to the sick, elderly, and those who need them.
In the hustle of their daily tasks, caregiving demands, and responsibilities, stress and weariness can be enormous. It drains their energy, disturbs their peace, and strains their heart. We pray, dear Lord, let Your divine comfort descend upon them, calming their anxious hearts, and restoring their weary souls.
Father, remind them of your words in Matthew 11:28, "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." May they find serenity and strength in the truth of Your promises, reenergizing and reinvigorating them for the calling they have answered.
Help them to see every challenge as an opportunity to lean closer to You, for You, Lord, are our ultimate source of strength, our refuge, and fortress. Encourage them to seek support when needed, to care for their own wellbeing, and to find balance amidst the chaos, knowing that in our weakness, You are our strength.
Gracious Father, we also pray for wisdom and patience in their endeavor. Give them the strength to bear the burdens they are carrying, the patience to go through the repetitive process of caring, and the wisdom to understand the condition of those they are caring for.
Bless them, Father, with moments of unexpected joy, and grant them the privilege to see the impact of their work – the comfort it brings, the lives it touches, the souls it uplifts. Help them remember that they are carrying out the greatest commandment of love, being Your hands and feet on this earth.
Finally, dear God, encompass them with Your deep, unconditional love. Remind them that they are not alone in this journey. Lead them to green pastures and calm waters when the journey gets rough, and flood their hearts with peace that surpasses understanding.
We trust in Your goodness and mercy, Lord. May these caregivers feel Your loving presence every day, finding comfort and rest in Your embrace. Pour out upon them the blessings of health, peace, and the joy of serving You in this holy work.
In the name of Jesus Christ, our Savior, we pray.
Amen
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