Today I want to talk about how I managed my caring role and provide useful tips for carers managing their partners chemotherapy.
What is Chemotherapy and what to expect?
Chemotherapy is a treatment for cancer that uses powerful drugs to destroy cancer cells. It works by targeting cells that are rapidly dividing, which is a characteristic of cancer cells. The drugs are usually given intravenously, but some can be taken orally. The treatment can be administered alone or in combination with other forms of cancer treatment, such as surgery or radiation therapy. Chemotherapy can cause side effects, such as hair loss, fatigue, nausea, and decreased immunity, because it also targets healthy cells that divide rapidly, such as those in the hair follicles and digestive tract. However, it can be a very effective treatment for some types of cancer and can help to shrink tumours, slow their growth or even completely eliminate them.
Going through chemotherapy can be a challenging time for both you and your partner. In this blog I want to discuss what you might expect, how things unfold and what you can do and how you might feel. I will provide some useful information and tips on how you can support your wife, partner or friend during chemotherapy.
I have to admit I never went to one single chemo appointment with Catherine. We were blessed to have help from her friends and family. Nether the less, I was busy sorting the kids out for school plus other family duties and working full time. But I still recall feeling a little guilty and wondering if I should be spending more time with Catherine.
Before the chemo treatment began Catherine had a Picc line inserted. A Picc Line is, A peripherally inserted central catheter (PICC) line is a long, thin, flexible tube that is inserted into a vein in the arm and passed through to the larger veins near the heart. It is typically inserted and removed by a nurse, and can remain in place for weeks to months. PICC lines are used to administer medications, such as chemotherapy.
As Catherine went for the first treatment my heart ached for her as I imagined the pain and fear she must be going through, and I wanted to be there for her every step of the way.
When Catherine arrived home after treatment, her eyes were always heavy and her face was pale. But it was the thought of her loosing her hair and how it would make her feel that made my heart really sink. One time after treatment, she came home and her hair, something she took great care of had become a matted clump that had clung to her scalp. This was a result of the cold cap she had been wearing and application of hair conditioner to try and prevent hair loss.
She asked me to help untangle her hair and i stood behind her at the dressing table. Without a word, I sat behind Catherine, ready to provide whatever comfort I could. I began to gently pick at the clumps of hair to try and de-tangle the mess.
But to my horror, the hair started coming away, clumps falling away in my hands and I stuffed them secretively into my pockets. I tried not too, but the tears streamed down my face as I silently prayed for her recovery, hoping and wishing that the treatment would not take too great a toll on her.
When Catherine finally turned to me and asked how much was coming out, I didn't know what to say. The truth was too painful. Instead, I simply smiled and reassured her that everything would be alright.
For a brief moment, we sat in silence, connected by the unspoken sorrow that comes with illness. And yet, there was beauty in the moment too, as we shared a love and strength that could only come from facing adversity together.
I promised Catherine that I would always be there for her, for better or for worse. And though the road ahead would be tough, I knew that with faith and love, we could try and overcome this difficult time.
As well as the hair loss, other side effects we also had to deal with included:
Sensitivity of skin to sunlight so she had to use a high protection factor sun cream.
And Steroids, the side effects of steroids can include sleep issues, weight gain and restlessness. Catherine tried these but the effects of sleep deprivation were difficult for her to manage and she worried about weight gain.
There was also the Disruption to the bodies normal functions which came alongside some nausea.
Although difficult some days it did get easier as we learnt to deal with the side effects and everything else that had been thrown into chaos.
Tips
Something we did find useful was purchasing wigs. The cost can vary and we found some of the cheaper ones found online to be just as good, if not better than the more expensive ones. One thing Catherine loved was the ability to make her hair up on a mannequins head and leave it ready for when she needed it and in the perfect style! One downside was the risk of accidental hooking of the wig on other peoples buttons and other things. And much to the bemusement of others Catherine avoided hugs for the very same reason. Lucky, we never had a 'de wigging' incident.
It was also really important to look at Nutrition
Good nutrition for chemotherapy patients is important because it helps support their immune system, improve energy levels and minimise the risk of infections and other complications. Chemotherapy can lead to side effects that adversely affect appetite and digestion, leading to malnutrition and weakness. A healthy, balanced diet rich in protein, healthy fats, carbohydrates, vitamins, and minerals can help maintain their strength, promote healing and improve their overall health. Nutritional advice is also recommended to help manage specific side effects. Prioritising good nutrition during and after chemotherapy treatment enables them to stay strong, maintain a healthy weight, and improve their quality of life.
Another useful tip is the purchase and use of an Electric poncho blanket. Catherine would feel incredibly cold during chemo and would use the poncho to keep warm. We did have to get it tested by the hospitals maintenance team before use to avoid the risk of tripping out the chemo wards electrics!
Catherine also prepped a flask of hot soup so she could have something warm to eat.
Cleanliness and good hygiene are also really important as she will be immune suppressed and one small infection passed on could e devastating for Catherine.
Cleanliness and hygiene are crucial around chemotherapy patients because their immune systems are often compromised, making them more vulnerable to infections. Chemotherapy can weaken the immune system, leaving patients at a higher risk of infections and other illnesses. Maintaining strict cleanliness and hygiene helps prevent the spread of harmful bacteria, viruses, and other germs that can cause infections. This includes thorough hand washing and proper disposal of contaminated items, such as tissues, gloves, and masks. Patients who are receiving chemotherapy are advised to avoid crowded areas, stay away from individuals who may be sick, and follow their healthcare provider's instructions to mitigate the risks of illness. By adhering to good hygiene practices and taking preventative measures to reduce the spread of germs, patients can help protect themselves from potential infections and other risks.
So what you can do personally as her carer?
1. Be a good listener: Let your wife express her emotions and feelings. Speak less and listen more. Giving her space to express herself can help her to cope with the emotions and feel supported.
2. Show compassion: Show empathy towards her cancer journey. Let her know that you care about her and that you're there to support her through the cycles of chemotherapy.
3. Be available: Make sure your wife knows that she can count on you to help her with her day-to-day activities, such as driving her to and from appointments, helping her with household chores, making her meals, and just being with her when she needs you.
4. Educate yourself: Learn more about her cancer diagnosis and chemotherapy treatment. You will be better equipped to help her in her journey.
5. Take care of yourself: Make sure that you take care of yourself physically and emotionally, too. Get enough sleep, eat healthily and regularly, and exercise. This will help you be more present and supportive of your wife.
6. Stay positive: Try to stay optimistic and positive for your wife. Help her to focus on the good things in her life and be a source of hope and inspiration for her.
Remember that every person's journey with cancer is unique, and what works for one person may not work for another. So, trust your instincts and do what you feel is best for your wife.
Explaining to kids (and some adults!)
Explaining chemotherapy to children can be a difficult and emotional experience. Here are some tips on how to talk to children about their mother's chemotherapy:
1. Use simple language: Children may not fully understand complex medical terms, so it's best to use simple language when explaining chemotherapy to them.
2. Be honest: Explain to your children that their mother is receiving medicine to help fight her illness, but be sure to use age-appropriate language and avoid frightening or alarming them with overly detailed descriptions.
3. Involve them in the process: Let your children know that their mother will be missing some activities, but try to involve them in the process when possible, like helping with small tasks or making cards to cheer her up.
4. Emphasise positive aspects: Talk about the treatments in a positive way, such as how it will make their mother feel better and stronger in the long run.
5. Reassure them about their mother’s love: Remind your children that their mother loves them very much, even if she may be feeling more tired or sick during this time.
6. Give them an outlet: Children may have a hard time expressing their emotions, so find ways for them to communicate their feelings such as drawing pictures or writing messages to their mother.
7. Seek support: Don't hesitate to seek support from family or friends to help support your children during this time.
Remember that every child is different, so tailor your approach based on what works best for your child's personality and age.
What friends and family can do
Here are some practical things that family and friends can do for someone undergoing chemotherapy:
1. Offer to drive them to and from appointments as needed.
2. Help with household chores, such as cleaning, laundry, and grocery shopping.
3. Prepare and/or deliver meals that are easy to reheat or freeze for later.
4. Provide emotional support by listening and being there to talk when they need it.
5. Offer to accompany them to chemotherapy appointments if they would like company.
6. Help research and gather information about their diagnosis and treatment options.
7. Assist with caring for children or pets.
8. Offer to lend books, movies, or other forms of entertainment to help distract them during treatment.
9. Help set up an online support group for them to connect with others going through similar experiences.
10. Coordinate visits from family, friends, or other loved ones to provide additional support and company.
Remember, everyone's needs and preferences are different, so it's essential to ask the person undergoing chemotherapy what would most help them in their situation.
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